Can you make SodaStream Champagne from Goon (Cask Wine)?

Introduction

Can you make SodaStream Champagne from Goon? It’s a great question seeing as Champagne is an expensive luxury, even the cheapest bottles (of sparkling wine) are still around $4 and that only gets you 750ml. What if you need to put on a wedding? Do you know how many bottles of Passion Pop that is?!

Equation 1:

(a*b)/c = d

a = no. of guests at wedding = 140 (CNN Library, 2013)

b = millitres of Champagne per glass = 150 (Australian Government, 2010)

c = millitres of Champagne per bottle = 750

d = no. of bottles required

Therefore, (140*150)/750 = 28

That’s right 28 bottles and that’s only one glass per person! That will set you back around $112 and when you consider all the other expenses that surround weddings and indeed penetrate them, then what are you left with? I’ll tell you what… a loveless marriage and no money to your name and what is really more important?

Now look what happens if you replace the Champagne with goon.

Equation 2:

(a*b)/c = d

a = no. of guests at wedding = 140 (CNN Library, 2013)

b = millitres of goon per glass = 150 (Australian Government, 2010)

c = millitres of goon per cask = 4000

d = no. of casks needed

(140*150)/4000 = 5.25

So obviously it is far cheaper. The real problem is that you can’t serve people goon at a wedding. UNLESS you can carbonate it. Then if it is in a glass how will people know?… They won’t!

So what is carbonation and how does it work?

Carbonation or fizz is the process of dissolving carbon dioxide in a liquid. The process usually involves carbon dioxide under high pressure. When the pressure is reduced, the carbon dioxide is released from the solution as small bubbles, which causes the solution to become effervescent, or fizzy (Wikipedia, 2014).

Finally, the real question: Can you make SodaStream Champagne from Goon?

Method

Using a SodaStream, a small quantity of dry and fruity goon will be carbonated.

Results

Discussion

As the results show the carbonated goon looked identical to Champagne (to me anyway). First wine tried was a Soft Fruity White. It felt like Champagne both in my mouth and in my heart, however as it was a Fruity White it was ridiculously sweet. The next wine we tried was a Dry White, which worked a lot better. The taste was almost identical to Champagne albeit a really shitty one. The type of Champagne your Mum’s friend Shaza would call Champaz.

“Chuck us the Champaz, Rob,” she would scream at her husband in a high, shrill voice.

But, not everything was hunky dory (a saying stolen from Shaza). We found that the Champaz went flat really quickly. But, eh, if someone says anything about it, eject him or her from the wedding. They have over stayed their welcome anyway.

A few other problems include the time it would take to produce 140 glasses of carbonated goon using a Soda Stream, the amount of noise (which is a lot) that machine produces, especially if you are trying to keep it under wraps and the amount of gas refills you would go through.

Conclusion

The wine really did taste, look and feel like Champagne satisfying the initial question. As for the wedding stuff.. don’t be a cheap skate! Just buy the extra gas cylinders for the SodaStream, then every guest can enjoy delicious carbonated goon.

Just in case you need more proof…

References

Australian Government, standard drinks guide?, date viewed 1/10/2014, <http://www.alcohol.gov.au/internet/alcohol/publishing.nsf/Content/drinksguide-cnt>

CNN Library, I do … cost a lot: weddings by the numbers, date viewed 30/9/2014, <http://edition.cnn.com/2013/08/09/living/matrimony-by-the-numbers/>

Wikipedia, Carbonation, date viewed 1/10/2014, <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carbonation>

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Will Tomato Plants grow if they are watered (gooned) with Goon?

Introduction

Will Tomato Plants grow if they are watered (gooned) with Goon? This question had been plaguing me for some time. Would they grow? Would they grow better? Would the alcohol cause some kind of hybrid alcoholic tomatoes? Or would they die?

I was pretty sure they were going to die, but I wanted to see it for myself.

Plants are made up of about 90% water, they use it to prevent wilting and in the process of photosynthesis. Photosynthesis is the process used by green plants (as well as other organisms) to convert light energy into chemical energy for fuel. The plant will use sunlight to evaporate water held inside its leaves in a process called transpiration. The water evaporates leaving behind carbon dioxide which the plant uses to create sugars for energy.

An average wine is made up of approximately 85% water – would the plant be able to extract this water and use it in photosynthesis? Only time would tell.

Method

The experiment would be conducted as simply as possible. Four tomato plants were purchased. One was planted in a pot marked red, one in a pot marked white and two were planted in a pot marked water. The three pots would be watered (gooned) once a day with their respective liquids over a number of days to see which plant would grow better or if they would grow at all.

Results

Day 1: 

Day 4:

Day 7:

Day 9:

Discussion

As the figures show the plants did not do too well. Weak. The plants almost immediately began to wilt, which happens when there is not enough water inside the plant. A hydrated plant will have good pressure inside its cells causing the plant to stand up straight and strong, low pressure from a dehydrated plant will cause wilting.

Over the next few days the plants got worse, except of course for the watered plant. It almost seemed like a look into my insides and what goon was doing to me. When the two plants finally passed away we gave them a proper burial and moved on with our lives.

What we didn’t expect is that all the goon we had been pouring over the duration of the experiment had caused hundreds of ants, they were everywhere. We sprayed them off and moved on with our lives.

Conclusion

No they will not grow… they will die.

References

USCB SCIENCELINE, why do plants need water?, date viewed 28/02/2014, http://scienceline.ucsb.edu/getkey.php?key=3551

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