Stanley Fruity Lexia Tea | Tea Made With Goon!


Tea is a civilised drink, so we had to be very careful with this one – keeping goon civilised is no easy feat. We did however give it a red hot go! And personally I think we succeeded 100%.

To make this Stanley Fruity Lexia Tea we first heated up the wine in a tiny saucepan.




when the goon was boiling it smelt slightly like mulled wine/fruit cake, but a lot more disgusting (probably because mulled wine is made with a spiced red wine and not one of the cheapest whites we could find). We poured the hot wine into the finest mug we could muster, dropped a plain Dilmah teabag in and let it steep. After a couple of minutes we added milk and two sugars and stirred to perfection.


Almost immediately the milk separated into a moving cloud of little milk pellets, it was embarrassing for the milk.




Now it was time for the taste test. The tea tasted a lot like old fruit that had fallen from a tree and sat in the sun for days. The sugar made the drink incredibly sweet, which probably made it taste slightly better. The tea could only just be tasted as the wine flavour was so strong.


Looking at the drink was a mistake, as the cloud of milk pellets collected in the centre when it sat still.




I’m not sure if all the alcohol was evaporated during the ‘warming of the wine’ or not, so it may have had no alcohol. I tried to finish the entire cup, but failed. This is what was left in the sink:


Overall the Stanley Fruity Lexia Tea was a disgusting drink to taste and to look at. I guess if you like gross tasting fruit cake you may like it, but probably not because it tasted like filth.